The other day, I got this email from one of our students. This is a girl whom I love dearly whom I've been blessed to share life with these last few months. We had been talking about my blog and I expressed how sometimes I just hit a block and don't know what or how to share. We talked a little about how great it would be to share what is going on with students and I said to her, "send me something and I'll post it!" (In my head I thought this promise might get me in trouble. There's no telling what this girl could come up with!) But what she sent me re-convicted me because God is so clearly working because I am not in this alone. WE are not in this alone. God speaks, His children hear, we share, we strengthen, we call one another on to greater heights. Together we fight for Him and with Him. Mother Teresa said, "always, Jesus asks for everything." I would add that always, He has everything to give us. Do we give ALL? Do we accept ALL? It takes courage to live greatness. This is just an itty bitty of what this last semester has been about: “Jesus. I'm not scared to be close to You. Similar words have been spewing from my brain in adoration for about a full semester now. You may be picturing this beautiful surrendering posture, kneeling directly in front of the monstrance, smiling, arms stretched out, violin in the background, with wind-blown hair, and feeling the freedom. But that would be, ehh, slightly inaccurate. These words are spewing as I’m simultaneously sitting off to the side, pinched between the pew and windows, eyes shut, body tensed, and hiding my face behind a journal. I then leave time and time again wondering why I hide in conversations with people about prayer, future plans, or deeper life questions in general. My mind often repeats I’m not scared, asked me anything! Yet my gestures and silence screams just bit louder…sister’s terrified. I am terrified to close doors. I am terrified of rejection. I am terrified that Jesus will overwhelm me if I get too close to Him. I am terrified to accept love. I am terrified to be fully known. Overall, I am terrified that I’ll find a reason to leave Jesus. So...here I go... Jesus, how do You speak to me? Portion. No need to fear. Jesus is enough. But let’s accept all His love, the whole “portion”. Metaphor time: As women we sometimes tend to leave that last piece of pizza, or dessert, or breakfast oatmeal at morning prayer. Or my personal fave, we sometimes cut that last “whatever” in half, rather than killing it. All for no other reason than to leave it and eventually let that piece be forgotten about, stay out all night, become time/temperature abused, and then discarded. Don’t hide your hunger. Accept my portion. Here is comes the anti-climactic take away. In the bomb movie Coach Carter, Cruz is this punk of a player on the basketball team. Twice, Cruz decides to quit the team, but then begs to rejoin for various reasons. Each time Cruz leaves/returns Coach Carter asks him, what’s your biggest fear? Cruz says nothing of course….until the end. **SPOILER ALERT** Before Coach asks, Cruz says this, (original quote from Return to Love by Marianne Williamson) which sums up this whole situation: “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” Be Not Afraid -- Open Wide the Doors to Christ!
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This Blog...I'm Emily: a mission leader with Saint Paul's Outreach. This is blog is here to keep you up to date with what is happening in the mission field at Ohio State! Archives
October 2016
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