Saturday 19 July 2014
I woke up this morning and the first thing I didn’t want to do was go on a run- so I didn’t. Instead, I had my breakfast and took my coffee, bible and journal out to the screened in porch and sat taking in the morning: the cool and hazy air, the very lush green of the trees and the hills (looking even more green because of the overcast sky), the chirping birds and the sounds coming through the window behind me of mom doing laundry in the house. Usually in times like these I slip right in to prayer, but this morning I get distracted by the humming bird zooming across my view and my thoughts go to how I should have taken that run, and then on and on into “woe is me”. But let me tell you, this stuff is very real! Negativity… Much of it revolves around where I am insufficient and what I could be doing better and soon I’ve worked myself into a pit and I find that I just can’t pray! I feel I fall short in so many places and there are so many little things that frustrate me. And thinking of the future is even more frustrating. I feel like I’m talking to a wall. So, I get my journal out and begin writing this all down (I’m writing with my left hand because I’ve recently taken it to mind to become ambidextrous). While I write frustratingly slow, in this case part of me is grateful for the slowness, because it makes me slow my thoughts down too. I write down everything from the run, to support raising fears and struggles, to issues with my phone, to this disconnected feeling from God and therefore my ministry. Finally, I come to a close and since the prayer doesn’t seem to be happening this morning I flip back to the beginning of this journal, wondering when I began it. What I find is this journal entry that I wrote in December during my connecting flight from Indianapolis to Dallas on my way to Germany for my semester of student teaching. As soon as I read it I smile and give a little “hmm” because its like, a little throwback and exactly the reminder I need on a morning like this. December 28, 2013 Well, here I am: sitting on a plane flying from Indy to Dallas, taking my prayer time and God is so encouraging right now. I was able to pray a rosary asking Mary’s protection as we travel and asking for her intersession and help in getting to mass each week, entrusting this to her I feel a lot better. Acts 4: Peter is so bold. Bold in proclaiming who the credit goes to in the works that he is doing (healings). To the Sadducees, he is uneducated & poor & untrained- worthless really, but they cannot deny that great works have come through him. Despite all that he is not, God works through what he is- faithful, hopeful, trusting, bold, to perform miracles & powerful works. It is encouraging… as if God is saying “Emily, I will use you, what you are & and I can work wonders through & with you.” To the world I may be too young, unqualified in many things, too this or too that or not enough of something, but I am exactly who & what God needs to show His power. God, in Jesus’ name, work wonders through me and I will give credit where due and people will turn to you because of you & my witness! Use my youth, my hospitable disposition, my shyness, whatever gifts I have- use them and open my mouth to speak praise to you. Am SO excited to work with SPO to serve You : ) What a little gem. Not sure where that all came from, but it is just the reminder I need. I’m thinking it’s time for me to count my blessings and place my trust back in God. I HAVE reached minimum support and am incredibly lucky to have some AWESOME people on my team- and God will take care of them and the rest of my team. I will be heading to training on Tuesday and will go to campus on August 10th and begin my ministry with students. I am willing so God WILL work through me and who I am (not just what I am able to do). I'm thinking that while the misty and overcast sky could be an excuse not to run, this uncommon Kentucky summer weather may actually be even more reason for me to take that run now. Peace, Em
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This Blog...I'm Emily: a mission leader with Saint Paul's Outreach. This is blog is here to keep you up to date with what is happening in the mission field at Ohio State! Archives
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